Fat Feet

I'm sitting here with a cuppa tea devouring a punnet of grapes trying to think what I can write my next blog post about?! I don't have anything in particular to write about this week except for what's been happening in the world of Zoe being pregnant. Let me start with what the title suggests... Fat feet.. that's right my feet are grossly getting fatter and fatter and red! I'm walking around like the jolly green giant has stepped in a bucket of beetroot! It doesn't help that fact that I wear crocks at work and let me tell you my feet don't half sweat in them buggers especially this time of year!

But...... I am very happy to announce tomorrow (technically) is my last day before I leave for 7ish months maternity! YAY! I say yay but in reality I'm not actually ready to leave work, I've worked all my life and the thought of not working terrifies me! I'm the kind of person who gets bored just on one day off so if I'm sat around waiting for this baby to pop out of my vagina for 4 weeks I'm going to go stir crazy! So the plan is I'm going to do a few extra days next week just to keep me busy. And if I go into labour at work then the work colleagues will just have to think fast and get the towels ready!  

So me being me and worried about the boredom I've started a list of things I can do whilst I wait for the little dude to make his appearance, so far I've got... Jigsaw puzzles. Now I cant remember the last time I actually did a jigsaw I feel like you either need to be 5 or retirement age to do a jigsaw, but I'm willing to give anything a go to keep me busy. Searching on amazon for things to do and I came across paint by number ( for adults) on a canvas. I love doing arty things! I've picked a really pretty picture that looks like its going to take a long time to do. Now I'm no Neil Buchanan from Art Attack but I'm gonna give it a bloody good go. My very lovely mother in law has also bought me a big puzzle book I love doing a good Sudoku!

No dramas this week the pregnancy gods have been kind to me, apart from one very long drawn out trip up to oxford hospital to see my consultant, as always we had to leave over an hour early which meant sitting around for ages whilst dying for a wee as I wasn't allowed to go until I got in so they could test it. Dont even get me started on the "specimen toilets" in the hospital, no word of a lie there's a little hatch in the toilets where a woman just sits waiting for ladies to come in and take a piss so they can test it, Fancy having that job! So anyway I did that, had my blood pressure taken and my weight ( don't ask!!!) then saw the consultant for literary 2 min who asked how I am feeling and that was it! all the way to oxford for that! you can imagine how thrilled I was at wasting half a day just for that.

So as it stands its now just a waiting game, the housework is all up to date the washing is all done and baby's cot is all set up and ready, there's just 1 job left on my list which is rather important, the dreaded shaving legs and fanny *eye rolls* I really don't know how I'm going to attack this problem but I'm sure I will let you all know how I get on. For the next few days I'm just going to do my last few days at work chill out and rest my fat feet. See you all soon!

Z

xxx

Baby showers and Bump paintings!

Its that time of my pregnancy to start getting ready for the inevitable... but first there's one important thing that needs to be done. P-A-R-T-Y! I'm not talking going out on the town getting smashed and throwing up in a kebab shop at 3am. I'm talking about friends games, lots of baby talk and food!

So I'm very lucky to have lots of special friends and family in my life who all put a lot of effort into throwing me a really nice baby shower and I cant thank them all enough ( you know who you are) So once we had a guest list I was officially left out of the planning which was strange for me a I like to have a hand in everything! As the venue was my place of work I was in charge of the food. what I do best! you cant go wrong with a classic buffet of sausage rolls quiche and scotch eggs can you?

Very kindly my friend and the head chef made me an amazing baby shower cake which I loved and it tasted great! And I also had some delisious cupcakes made by a special friend.

So id heard about bump painting before and thought it was slightly strange but now I'm pregnant I want to experience everything so I managed to find this lady on Facebook who paints pregnant ladies bumps! so I thought why the hell not? So a few hours before the shower she came along to my house and painted me up. For anyone who knows me i have a slight obsession with micky mouse! I have so many baby grows, clothes ,and toys for my baby all in micky mouse! so you guessed it... i just had to have micky mouse painted on my bump! The woman was so experienced she painted it all freehand and even added some glitter just for that extra little touch. and i absolutely loved it! you can see the photo at the end of this blog post.

After being branded on my belly with micky mouse i got ready and headed down to the party with all my friends and family waiting to see that the room had been very cleverly decorated with blue micky mouse decorations! I absolutely loved it! we chatted and done a quiz then attacked the buffet and just generally talked babies and labour and had lots of photos taken. i had a great time catching up with some old friends.

I didn't actually realise until I got home how many presents we had been given for the baby! my living room currently looks like Toys R Us! A see of gift bags and presents covered my floor we had everything from clothes to bath products to nappies and even a Pandora charm! Totally spoilt and so grateful to each and every person who came and gave us gifts!

a Special thank you goes out to my Mum, Mel, Harriet, Haley, Charlotte and Rhys for all the time effort and money put into the afternoon.


After sorting through all the pressies I finally got round to putting everything away in its own place and putting all baby's new clothes away in drawers leaving his cot free and ready for his long awaited arrival! everything feels so real now!

3 weeks and counting...




Z


xxx

Paper Pants not included!

so... The time has come, shits about to get real and I have to pack my hospital bag! it only seems like yesterday I was peeing on a little stick, and now I'm only 3 weeks away from due date! I've been putting off even thinking about the birth, time in hospital and packing my bag. I need to man up and accept this is happening... the baby is coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it.


So, what do I actually need to pack in my hospital bag? After extensive research and by research I mean having a quick gander online I have discovered Instead of packing for a couple of nights stay in hospital I am actually packing for a weeks holiday in Tenerife.. ( I WISH! ) Who knew you had to basically hire a lorry to transport all your stuff to the hospital?


After compiling a list of what I thought I needed I headed off to the shops in search of the bits and pieces I needed to pack. Most of the stuff I've already got at home such as nighties ( very sexy) pyjamas and t shirts etc. All the obvious stuff. So strolling round asda with my trolley as I'm to lazy to carry a basket! Anyway there's a whole aisle dedicated to babies and all the gumph you need. Now I got recommended by someone that I would need some big maternity pads as apparently you bleed like Niagara falls after the birth and judging by the huge maternity pads I bought they arnt lying! You could sail across the Atlantic on these humongous pads that apparently will fit into my knickers I will let you know how that goes...
so I threw  a couple packs of them in my trolley. Conveniently On the same shelf I spotted some maternity pants that I thought looked pretty handy... until I picked up the box for a look and realised they are paper pants yes that's right PAPER PANTS!! now I know labouring a child isn't the most glorifying thing in the world but I am not going to be subjected to covering my woman's bits in paper bloody pants!! ( excuse the pun) That's not me being a snob far from it...  I am taking a trip to Primark later in the week to get a pack of new pants.


Supposedly I will need breast pads once your body starts producing milk you start to leak. urgh so many things to think about! I have looked everywhere and can I find any breast pads? can I buggery... so I've bought a big pack of cotton wool pads hoping they will do the job, what can go wrong? Apart from all the clothes and pads for different body parts I've been recommended other things to take these include- books, magazines, sweets, iPad, water, phone charger and a hand held fan. Then there's the things you might miss out like toothpaste tooth brush etc. I've been told chewing gum is a good idea!

Now of Corse your partner/birthing partner in this case my baby daddy Mr M will be joining me on the wonderful birthing experience, don't forget they could be at the hospital for hours so they are going to need some supplies to! We have a little bag packed for the daddy to be and of Corse this includes the essentials such as chocolate biscuits and bottles of coke, that should keep him going... we have thrown in a spare pair of clean clothes just for good measure.


 thanks to everyone who has recommended me what to pack here is a list of what I've packed for myself...

Very sexy old lady nighties x2
shorts x3
t shirts x3
new pants x6
flip flops
hand held fan
cotton wool pads
maternity pads
chewing gum
Vaseline
water
sweets
iPad
books
phone charger
medication
toothpaste
toothbrush
toiletries



And for the baby I have packed...

baby grows x4
baby hats x2
scratch mits x4
nappies
wipes
nappy cream
aptamil starter pack (milk)
muslin cloths x3
socks x 3
blanket
teddy bear


and there you have it... packed and ready to dash off whenever the pregnancy gods decide its time!



Z





xxx

Anixety Antics and Worry Warts

Sodding anxiety!!! always turns up when you least expect it and really don't want it! I don't like to say I'm a sufferer of anxiety because I believe we all have anxiety during stressful and demanding times of our lives and why wouldn't we? Its perfectly normal to stress and worry.

Except for me the big old worry wart that I am! Sometimes I let it take over and theres nothing I can do to stop it. I'm a pretty laid back person most of the time so anyone reading this who knows me must be thinking Anixety... what anxiety?

and your totally right you cant see it because its hiding bubbling away in my head.  A few years ago more than id like to mention ( so I don't sound to old) I wont lie I used to be pretty bad something as silly as did I say the wrong thing to someone today and upset them? I used to stay awake at night worrying myself stupid id upset somebody or said the wrong thing. My anxiety now? Couldn't give a crap if ive said something wrong or upset someone I just say sorry if I feel ive said something wrong and that's that no going home worrying myself sick. YAY to me!

Ive been pretty cool and calm (for me) during pregnancy, as the weeks are passing and I'm getting tired and achey I get tearful at night worrying about every single situation. Am I going to be a good mother to my little boy? Am I going to love him? that's my current biggest fear, I mean realistically as soon as hes born I know I'm going to fall totally in love with him but sometimes my mind tricks me and makes me think that I wont, even worse... what if he doesn't love me? Anixety plays tricks on our minds even more so during challenging times I'm sure I'm not the first pregnant woman to think these things and I'm sure I wont be the last.

My current anxiety worrying me is how I will feel after the birth. It terrifies me more than actually giving birth! Sleep deprived and tramatic events (I call a tramatic event going to the dentist) so giving birth is going to fuck me up. I'm genuinely terrified of how I will feel after the birth and ive already decided I don't want visitors at the hospital apart from my mum and dad and Mr Ms mum and dad because I have a feeling I will be so tired and tearful I wont want to see anyone. I'm panicking like fuck about people wanting to come straight round my house to meet the little bundle of joy, I know everyone is excited and I know everyone wants to meet him I get that but I need time to myself to recover and feel better mentally its only fair to want that isn't it? so why do I feel like such a horrible person for wanting that?

Tonight I am tired and tearful and letting my anxiety get the better of me. Tomorrows a new day to try and not be a worry wart!

Z

xxx

Mum with a fat tum

That's right as I'm approaching week 35 ( 5 weeks to go! ) I am a very proud mum with a fat tum! This last few weeks I have done a lot of growing and according to my pregnancy app baby is almost at his last stage of growing and will soon be the size of a watermelon! A BLOODY WATERMELON!

My healthy eating has really gone out the window these last few weeks I consumed far to many Easter eggs and I suddenly have a bad craving for anything chocolate! so its not surprising I've put on a bit of beef in my last trimester. Usually I would be devouring a share bag of malteasers crying at how fat I'm getting but this time I honestly couldn't give 2 shits how much weight I've put on. I've already planned how I'm going to lose weight once the littleun is here. So rack the malteasers up baby !!

Some perks and downfalls of being a mum with a fat tum are laugh your socks off funny or cry yourself to sleep emotional. I will start with the funny... Have you ever had a lovely relaxing bath with candles and bubbles and chilled with a book? isn't it just the best way to relax? Yeah well try being almost 9 months pregnant enjoying said bath until the time comes to get out... I tend to call the crane in advance now so its ready to reverse into my bathroom to lift me out safely in one piece. The other "perk" If you could call it that is we can get away with wearing the most gigantic knickers known to man kind! and yes they are bloody comfortable even if it looks like reading festival in my back garden whilst they hang on the line to dry I don't care ( sorry neighbours ) They are the kind of tent even Post Malone would be proud to headline in!

Having a huge bump comes with some slight disadvantages, I haven't seen my lady bits since about month 5 and as I'm not proud to admit this but my huge reading festival pants come in handy containing the forest that befalls my lady region. My biggest problem at the moment is thinking of a way to shall we say "tidy up" the 100 acre woods inside my giant knickers, I've heard a very nasty rumour that if you turn up at hospital in labour with a hairy muff that the midwives do the job for you. No way is anyone else coming near me with a razor down there, a plan of action is drastically needed before D Day!

So those are the funny bits I suppose you could say of being pregnant, what's the downfalls of being a mum with a fat tum? Pain... yes total aches and pains of the whole bumpage can really knock you when you are down, fortunately I bought this pregnancy belt from amazon that basically holds the bump up and stops the aches and strains, I just look like I'm going rock climbing! I think I've covered the emotional side of being a fatty in other blog posts so I wont bore you all again with that except to say its perfectly acceptable to sit and cry into a cup of tea for absolutely no reason!

My bump got measured the other day whilst at the midwife and I'm very happy to report that I am perfectly within the guidelines for bump measurements! the guide lines are something like you shouldn't measure more than your week of pregnancy so for example I was 33 weeks and I measured 32cm from top to bottom of my bump which I'm told is very normal and healthy. YAY! As these next few weeks pass I have so many hospital and midwife appointments I guess that's all normal as we approach the end. For now and the next few weeks I'm a mum with a fat tum and proud of it!

Z

xxx

Baking with Bump

So for those of you who don't know I work as a chef and baker, I like to think of myself more as a baker because that's what I do best. Ive been baking for years and absolutely love it! I Spent 3 years at catering college where I really came out of my shell and learnt how to cook like a pro. I've had numerous jobs over the years all in kitchens from washing up to making sandwiches to baking and doing fine dining food. I started years ago making celebration cakes for birthdays weddings ect. ( if you want to see my work then search What zoe bakes on facebook) I loved doing these cakes for people some of them took me hours but I loved every second, sadly having a full time job and other commitments meant I had to stop doing them for a while, my plan is to start this up again once on maternity leave so watch this space!

After this I got a job in a garden center and after a while I was put into the bakery YAY! My dream come true baking for a living! the amount of cakes I would smash out of that bakery was unreal. hundreds of scones a week numerous cakes and traybakes, I was loving life! I currently work in a small hotel in my local village, here I make fresh scones cakes desserts bread you name it I make it. I have abit of a reputation for making weird flavours of cakes, however they always seem to sell! I was lucky enough a few years ago to feature on the nightly show with Gordon Ramsay who is my absolute favourite chef! He likes my cake really despite what he said haha!


Watch what he thought of my cake here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z44CqpALi0


For those of you who haven't watched the video I made a cucumber cake for Gordon to try (I didn't actually make it I sent in my recipe and his chefs made it mine looks better!). Ive made and sold many slices of this at work and its actually quite nice and really refreshing. So I thought id share one of my favourite recipies with you to try! Give it a go and see what you think. its not as crazy as it sounds honest!



Cucumber and elderflower cake
makes 1 cake

you need-

1 cucumber (deseeded)
230g butter
300g sugar
4 eggs
300g self raising flour
200g icing sugar
1 bottle of elderflower cordial

1.) Preheat the oven to 160oc

2.) Deseed the cucumber and blend up to make a sort of cucumber juice,

3.) Beat the butter and sugar until pale and creamy

4.) Slowely add the egg whilst continigung to beat

5.) Once all the egg is mixed in add the flour and beat in.

6.) Slowley add the cucumber juice.

spread between 2 round cake pans and bake on 160 for approx. 30 min


For the filling make a buttercream out of 100g of the icing sugar and some butter this is for the middle of the cake.

To top the cake mix the remaining icing sugar and a few splashes of elderflower cordial and spread over the top of the cake. If you are feeling really adventurous you can make some cucumber crisps by thinly slicing some cucumber dusting with icing sugar and leave in the oven on a really low temperature to dry out.

and there you have it! one cucumber cake


Enjoy !!





Z




xxx

Hip Hip Hooray!! (Hip pain during pregnancy)

This last week has been a bit of a rollercoaster. I've suddenly developed bad pains in my hips during the evening when I lay down in bed. And by bad pains I mean stabbing aches in both my hips and no matter what position I lay in. I'm up all night trying to roll over and find a comfy spot but its like the world hates me and wants me to suffer because nothing works. During the day its absolutely fine its literary just when I lay down which is super annoying because I love my sleep! Anyway I mentioned it to my midwife who all she really recommended was sleeping with a pillow between my legs which kind of helps.


Anyway I decided enough was enough last night and I decided to take action. For my birthday back in January my mum bought me this super large 4 foot pregnancy pillow its basically a giant horseshoe pillow that you lay down the middle and its supposed to support everything. Its kind of helpful but difficult to sleep in. So last night I collected every cushion pillow and blanket we had in the house and I made a little nest right in the middle of my bed and good lord did that help support my hips and back. instead of being in pain all night I only woke up about twice in pain which is a massive improvement! So I've put together some bits of information tips and advice on what to do if you experience hip pain during pregnancy.

What is hip pain in pregnancy and what are the causes?

Pain in the hips pelvis and lower back normally develops in the third trimester of pregnancy and is caused by a pregnancy hormone called relaxin. This hormone causes the ligiments in the hips to soften to prepare for labour which results in aches and pains when pressure is applied to the hips.

How can I help reduce the pain in my hips ?

I have had lots of advice from other people who have been through the same thing all telling me similar to the midwife and that's to sleep with a pillow between my legs. whilst this kind of helps it doesn't take the pain completely away. The only real thing that's worked for me is making my nest of cushions and blankets and finding the right position to sleep in.

physiotherapy and a chiropractor

I am not speaking from experience here as I haven't used either of these but I have been recommended by friends to use these. To be honest the cost of going to a chiropractor or physiotherapy is way out of my price range whilst saving for a baby and to be honest ive managed to keep my pain under control a little bit.

Swimming

Swimming is a proven way to help with hip pain because under water you are weightless as you swim this acts as kind of a message on your joints. ( proper annoying because I cancelled my swim membership last week)



I think the most important thing is to not put to much strain on your body and find a sleeping position that works for you.

I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR MIDWIFE. if you have sever pain and are not managing please seek medical advice. Happy sleeping xx


Z




xxx

BEAN BAG BOOBS!

Its pretty obvious that our bodies are going to change throughout pregnancy you'd have to be an idiot to think everything will stay the same. So I thought id put together a little something for pregnant ladies or future pregnant ladies to read and to get prepared for.

Welcome ladies to the biggest change of your life! one of the most glorious magical and daunting times of your life, but don't worry you are going to boss this! So grab a cuppa see what's in store for your changing body. Don't panic we don't suddenly balloon into a giant tomato the second we get pregnant... (not much anyway) I can totally appreciate every woman is different so some of my experiences may apply to you and some may not, whatever the case carry on being pregnant and beautiful! here is my list of body changes so far Enjoy!

Bean bag boobs-

That's right its not a typo and I'm not trying to be over dramatic here but holy shit have my boobs, breasts, tits whatever you like to call them my god they have about tripled in size and hang there like 2 massive bean bags! They weigh a ton and although not sore or painful they don't half get in the bloody way especially trying to sleep I half expect to suffocate myself during the night some nights they feel that heavy! My only hope is once my body starts to recover from the birth that they will eventually kind of go back to normal fingers crossed!

Invisible bellybutton -

So I made it to about month 7ish months of being preggers and all of a sudden I looked down and my bellybutton had vanished! Seriously its gone... quite understandably there's a lot going on in my tummy and as it grows and gets harder its somehow getting smaller and smaller much to Mr M's disgust as he has this really strange habit of always sticking his finger in my bellybutton or a nose pocket as he likes to call it(Don't ask!) So say goodbye to your bellybutton for a few months ladies.

Tree trunk legs and bingo wings-

Remarkably to my absolute delight I haven't actually put on as much weight as I thought, a stone and half so far which isn't bad. BUT... the places I have put on some timber is my thighs, fucking hell the tops of my legs are like tree trunks! seriously I'm not kidding I'm surprised I don't start a fire just walking to work some days.  I've never really had chunky arms before but the pregnancy gods must hate me because currently the tops of my arms look like an 80 year old woman's who's been down the bingo waving her arms around in delight at winning the jackpot. I know I won the jackpot getting pregnant but I'm certainly not waving my arms around at the moment in fear of taking out anybody standing near me!

Pissing your pants-

I debated weather or not to add this in because its a bit gross but I wouldn't be doing my job as a pregnancy blogger if I wasn't honest with my readers. As I've said in a previous post before don't get to comfortable thinking you don't need sanitary wear for 9 months because if anything I've used more since being pregnant! That's right ladies prepare to piss your pants! as you grow and baby gets bigger he/she pushes against your bladder and without warning or without anything we can do about it we shall I say "Leak" constantly. Its very inconvenient so make sure you stock up on towels ladies I wouldn't advise using a tampon whilst pregnant!

so there you have it my top 4 things to expect when you are expecting, enjoy every second wear your bean bag boobs with confidence and piss yourself with pride :-)

Z

xxx

Am i really pregnant?

What a stupid question... Am I really pregnant? A belly the size of the moon and waddling round like a retarded duck kind of gives it away really!  But every now and again I actually forget that I am pregnant. I realise how dumb this sounds but bare with me I have good reasoning!

Rewind back to September 2017...

I decided I was ready to become a mum and thought we'd give it a shot at trying and see what happened. We did all the obvious things like consult my doctor just because some of the medication I'm on and we had the green light from the doc so that was all good news. Of Corse I had to download all the relevant apps for trying for a baby, tracking periods etc.

I raided my local co-op for pregnancy tests and ovulation sticks and away we went!

The first month I really had no idea what I was doing i just had sex and hoped for the best! not realising there's actually one week per month you can get pregnant. So of Corse the first month I had a negative test. That's when I realised I had to do some research on how this all works because clearly having sex wasn't enough. By this time all my apps were up and running and telling me what I should be doing and when so I thought YAY! I've got this...

month number 2 and a second negative test. After many months of trying I can confirm the legs up in the air trick after sex doesn't actually work its a myth ladies!

Anyway to cut a long story short I had 12 months of tears tantrums and negative pregnancy tests. just to be clear I am fully aware a lot of couples try for a hell of a lot longer and have had a much worse time than I have and I totally get how heart-breaking that is for those people. But that doesn't take away the pain I was going through and I eventually learnt that it was ok to be sad and disappointed. UNTILL October 2018 when my period was a few days late but this had happened before so didn't really think anything of it. Until a few days later when I thought id do a test and got my BFP ( big fat positive)

And for this reason alone is why sometimes I still think am I really pregnant? because after all the months of trying and failing can it be that I got lucky and it finally happened to me?  YES IT BLOODY DID!!! I'm pregnant, I'm fat and I'm the most luckiest girl in the world!!

even though sometimes I do actually forget I'm carrying life inside me, then I get a little kick to remind me that he's in there.

So for the odd occasion when I forget I'm pregnant the moment I realise wow I'm actually having a baby is like finding out I'm pregnant for the first time all over again!

Am I really pregnant? yes I am ... 7 WEEKS TO GO !!

Z

xxx

Mrs Panicky poo

So this Friday just gone I officially entered my 8th month of pregnancy! its been a long old road since I first decided I wanted to be a mummy. I used to panic all the time that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and that I would never be a mother and just grow old and be lonely
and childless forever.

But alas! I panicked over nothing as I'm soon to be a mummy which I so forever longed for, as the days and weeks pass its suddenly getting really real that soon I am going to have a baby YES A BABY! a teeny tiny little person who is completely dependant on me! Holy shit...

can I do this? can I manage to look after a baby? I did manage to keep my hamster alive for 3 years who died of natural causes in case you are wondering if I accidently hovered the poor sod up or something! (RIP Louis) so how much harder can this be? well I'm about to find out.

As a natural panicker its only normal for me to start panicking round about now, I've managed to get through the early stage of panicking weather baby is growing ok and weather he's got 2 heads or not. I've come to terms with the whole pushing a watermelon out of my vagina thing and I'm feeling pretty okay with it. I mean millions of women have done this before right? its what our bodies are designed to do! I think I wont start panicking about this until the day my waters break and I'm running round like a headless chicken trying to get myself ready for hospital.

Right now the panic has set in about what I'm going to do once the baby is born...

what happens once he's out? I've never so much as dressed a baby let alone changed a shitty nappy! who teaches you these simple things? What baby clothes do I even take to the hospital? I have so many stupid questions. I guess it will all come natural to me (hopefully)

In the meantime I'm starting to panic about other things such as how will I know if he's to hot or cold? how will I know what he wants and when and the absolute worst what if I'm not a good mum? My absolute worst fear is what if I accidently drop him! I want to cry just thinking about it now. I could write a list as long as my arm about all the things I'm panicking about and I suppose its only natural to worry about these things.

I am genuinely really frightened about being a new mum and all the really silly little things that come with it as usual I'm being over paranoid and over cautious with everything!! I have a funny feeling I'm not alone in my fears as every mum just wants the best for their little humans. So for now I am being a Mrs Panicky poo but I wouldn't have it any other way because it shows I care and want everything to be ok for my little boy.

So for all the pregnant ladies reading this don't be afraid to panic its only natural.

Z

xxx 

The running mum

So as well as my new adventure into motherhood my job as a chef and just generally being me I have another love in my life.... RUNNING! Some of you may be rolling your eyes right now and sniggering thinking she doesn't have the body for a runner how the hell can she possibly run? For the uneducated people thinking this let me tell you us fat girls can run to! It doesn't take the body on an athlete to get your running shoes on and pound the pavements getting those miles in. I used to be embarrassed at the fact I ran when I am the size I am I only ever used to run in the dark because I was so scared all the passing cars would be laughing at me! Now? I'm a proud runner and give zero fucks about what anyone thinks about me, after 3 half marathons and 1 10k I have earnt the right to feel proud of myself.


My running story started way back in 2015 when I decided I wanted to give up the fags and get fit. I wont lie it was bloody hard to start with! but once I got into the swing of things and started losing weight it was the best feeling in the world! I didn't run far but I got out there most nights and put the hard work in eventually loosing about 2 stone. One summer about 3 years ago I got the extremely sad news that one of my best friends from school had very sadly taken her own life. Even though I hadn't seen her or spoken in a while I was just in shock and numb. The night of her funeral I obviously got very drunk and thought how can I do something positive to raise money in her memory? so I very drunkenly signed up for Edinburgh half marathon!


Holy shit... now I actually need to be serious about my running and get a training plan! I worked hard for months as well as fundraising for my chosen charity The mental health foundation. I worked my little (big) arse off for months and finally got up to 8 miles before I had to stop this was a huge achievement for me! The day of the half marathon I was shaking like a shitting dog I cant even tell you how nervous I was I just wanted to finish the race for my friend. It was long it was hard and gruelling but after 3.5 hours I finally crossed that finish line and burst into tears ... I DONE IT! so proud of myself and my total fundraising was just over £1,000.


The following September I ran a 10k up in Scotland and in October I ran the oxford half marathon this time I ran for Oxfordshire mind which is also a mental health charity. see a theme here? From then on I didn't run so much and ended up putting all the weight back on. After trying for a baby for 6 months last year I decided I needed to start running again and quit smoking (again) so I did... I worked even harder this time with a lot of long runs I managed 9 miles this time before I had to stop. So I thought as I'm not getting pregnant I may aswel enter oxford half again. race day is always so nerve-racking !but once again the crowd got me through and I broke my current record! I managed the first 10 miles before I had to stop and walk for a second. Once again I crossed that finish line with so much pride and a new medal to add to my collection.

1 week later... BAM IM PREGNANT!! What are the chances? I had in fact run a half marathon whilst 4 weeks pregnant. I'm such a badass ;-) so oxford half marathon October 2018 was in fact the last time I ran, against advice from the hospital I decided to give up running whilst I had a baby on board its not worth the risk to me as id had a few falls in the past.


For now I am really excited to start running again once the little one is here and get fit once again and maybe even enter a race who knows! For now my fundraising total stands at just over £3,000 all for various mental health charities my friend may not be here anymore but I will continue to fundraise in her memory.


Rip Kirsty



Z




xxx

Preparing to push

So I'm coming up to 32 weeks in a few days which means only 8 weeks until littleun is due to arrive. I've always been shit scared of the thought of giving birth but when I actually got pregnant to be honest it was the last thing on my mind, like all mothers I just wanted my baby to be healthy. Even up until this point I've not given labour and the birth a second thought, I know he has to come out  somehow there's no getting away from that fact.

So here I am almost in my 8th month of pregnancy feeling pretty positive because although I do have a nice little bump I'm not actually humongous (YET) which means pushing him out should be a walk in the park right? honestly I have no idea! I've heard so many birth stories from friends and watched things on TV but I guess everybody is different. The majority of women probably have a whole plan of what they want and how its going to happen. me? I'm doing what ever the hell my body tells me to do at the time and hope for the best.

I'm trying to start with the little things such as what to pack in my hospital bag, who knows because nobody actually tells you these things, do I take my own nappies and wipes? is it frowned Upton to pack a cheeky bottle of strawberry and lime cider that I've been craving the whole 9 months? I guess I need to do my research on the hospital bag saga! oh and just for the record I am actually joking about the bottle of cider... maybe ;-)

Currently my birth plan consists of a piece of paper saying " I haven't a fucking clue" And it couldn't be more accurate right now, I mean how can we make a plan of something that can happen so many different ways and either take 40 hours or 15 minuets? There as so many different options for births nowadays, homebirths are getting more and more popular if I'm honest I couldn't think of anything worse! I like my furniture and carpets they way they are  the thought of trying to clean up placenta from my freshly shampooed carpets makes me feel a bit queasy so that is clearly a no go area for me!

Something that terrifies me even more is the dreaded water birth! The thought of sitting in a lukewarm pool trying to push the miracle of life out of my vagina when I actually poo myself and end up avoiding the floating crap for the remainder of my labour! My knowledge on labour and giving birth is so sparse I've done zero research and I don't really plan on doing much, all I know is I plan on having no plan with the exception id like an epidural and just hopefully end up going with the traditional legs up in the air screaming like a dying cat.

so the answer of how to prepare for birth I cant honestly tell you! but I'm sure once I've had the experience I can tell you all the things I would have done differently, whatever kind of birth I have as long as my baby boy arrives into the world safely that's all that matters to me.

Z

xxx

Milk and two sugars

It would seem rather rude of me to make a blog and not do a post about the other love of my life wouldn't it? Right now  I'm wondering how I'm going to fill a few paragraphs of writing about my main addiction I suppose you could call it. That's right I'm talking about the good old English cup of tea! who doesn't love a hot brew first thing in the morning? I've been drinking tea for years and years and I have no plans to give up anytime soon.

Firstly I need to admit I've already told a little white lie. I don't have 2 sugars in my tea as my title states I just thought it sounded more catchy in the title! Must have worked because you have read this far... My reason for wanting to write a post about tea is because its played a kind of biggish role during my pregnancy. Who needs cravings when you crave tea every day anyway?

Even before getting pregnant I had decided to stop being so hard-core and I switched to decaf part time mainly to help with my sleep issues and I do admit it did work ( I think)

As I'm one of those people who reads up EVERYTHING you should and shouldn't do when growing a baby I read that caffeine can harm the unborn baby so I decided to switch to decaf full time apart from the odd cheeky cup of normal tea. So when my friends are out sipping cocktails in a cocktail bar I'm at home sipping my deaf tea. so rock and roll!!

I am really not a fan of these fancy pants fruit and flavoured teas. ITS NOT TEA! and it never tastes like it says on the packet. But in my first few months when I had the dreaded nausea constantly I was recommended peppermint tea to help. So off I popped and bought a box. First cup made me want to throw up, second cup wasn't much better but it did actually help the nausea . How I couldn't tell you but I went with it. Out of a whole box I only ever drank about 4 cups so that was £2.99 down the pan. The only real benefit I get from it is every time I open my teabag cupboard it fills my kitchen with an amazing minty smell. Who needs to buy a posh air freshener when you have peppermint teabags, and before you judge me yes I do have a whole cupboard just for teabags! judge me if you may!!

so finally my last discovery about my favourite hot drink is it makes me pee like a bloody racehorse, As I've said in previous posts I must wake up on average 7-8 times a night to go to the loo and its doing my head in!!! Now my usual routine is I come home from work about 9:30pm I run a bath and I ALWAYS take a cup of tea in the bath with me, its my little treat to myself before bed ( I do realise how sad that makes me sound) The whole sleep situation and peeing during the night really needs addressing so I made the really difficult decision to not have my bath time cup of tea, Literally so much harder than it sounds! I've given up smoking twice and that was a walk in the park compared to cutting down on tea! Anyway last night was my first night on the tea wagon and I'm happy to report I only had to get up during the night 4 times!! So much improvement from 8! I woke up today feeling so refreshed so tonight is trial night 2 with no bath time tea!

I got this! only 12 hours and counting until I can have a cup of tea!

Z

xxx

The Pregnancy card

We've all done it! and why the hell not? we are creating life! I probably do it once a day if not more to be honest poor Mr M is probably sick of it but who cares he's sat watching the months go past as I get bigger and bigger growing his child, constipated to hell, sleepless nights and boobs so big they are about to pop any day now! what an easy life he's got right. Guessed what I'm on about yet?


The pregnancy card, we've all used it either when we actually need help doing things or are just feeling lazy. I pull the pregnancy card far to often especially when I am feeling lazy, why should I run upstairs to grab my glasses so I can watch TV or make my own cup of tea when I can pull out the trusted pregnancy card and get the hubby to do my dirty work. I've even managed to bagsie breakfast in bed every Saturday morning before work, up he comes with a bowl of coco pops and a cuppa tea good lad!


He just loves the moment when I come out with ... so you know I'm pregnant, will you run upstairs and grab me a pair of socks, and to be fair to him he never moans or grones he does what he has to do bless him. To be fair to me though 80% of the time when I pull the pregnancy card its for things I genuinely cant do like carry the hover up the stairs, cut the grass or clean the oven which obviously I am gutted about. ( Yeah right!) As you may have read in my last post about mental health and the tough few days I had I really couldn't face doing any house work I'm very lucky that he is a hands on hubster he managed to tidy up hover the whole house clean the toilets and cut the grass. I came home and didn't have to lift a finger. how lucky am I !!


I have 10 weeks left of using the pregnancy card and I'm planning on using it wisely mwah ha ha. Its such a shame I cant use strong oven cleaner to get my oven clean that's been needing doing for ages or take the bins out every week. I do realise am I'm typing this post out its making me look very lazy indeed, just to clarify I do actually do things around the house and do things for myself I want the house and garden to be perfect and ready for when the little man arrives.


So until then I'm going to make the most of being pregnant (and sometimes lazy) and make good use of the husband which I think he secretly enjoys in his own way. So to all the pregnant ladies out there don't be scared to pull the pregnancy card and get your men helping out!


Z



xxx

Mental Health and Me

I've been staring at a blank screen for a while wondering how to write this post, its hard putting your life on show knowing everyone will be reading this and the worries about what people will think. But sod it my new years resolution was to be more honest and not let people push me around so here goes.

I wont go into detail about myself but like I've said in past posts my mental health has been reasonably good recently I've been loving life except for the few pregnancy related mishaps which I've dealt with and got over. Long before I got pregnant and I'm talking maybe 6 or 7 years I've had sleep problems sometimes mild where I just cant get to sleep at night to sever insomnia where one weekend last January I didn't sleep for 72 hours! And no that's not an exaggeration just ask poor Mr M who stayed up with me looking after me and trying to help me settle me, cuddling me and being supportive. (He deserves a medal for that weekend) Anyway... lack of sleep for me is like the biggest trigger you can imagine.

I've been on strong ish sleeping tablets for a few years now prescribed by the doctor and honestly they work wonders! ( I don't take them during pregnancy for obvious reasons) The only issue with the tablets is they can become addictive so I only used to get prescribed them a few weeks at a time. The other tablets I'm on for my mood are designed to help me sleep which give me that little extra boost when I'm struggling but for some reason when I fell pregnant my sleep problems seemed to straighten themselves out and I slept like a log for the first few months which was great! Just lately as I'm getting bigger and the urge to pee is like every 5 minuets my sleeping habits have started to get bad again and because of this I'm very tired in the day and generally run down but getting up and going to work and having a laugh with my work mates really lifts my spirits I love those guys and I'm going to be so emotional when I hang up my apron for 7 months maternity leave soon.


Sunday night just passed I had probably the worst nights sleep I've had in months and Monday morning I woke up in tears exhausted and hating the world. I felt so low, why is this happening to me? I start getting thoughts that ... ( please bear in mind I know these are not rational thoughts now I am feeling better)  I start thinking I'm going to die and everyone I love is going to die and what's the point in having a baby if I might die and leave him motherless? Its ridiculous to think these things could even be true but when you find yourself so mentally exhausted things like this actually feel like reality. I'm quite good at recognising when I'm getting poorly so I try and make sure I do something about it
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I forced myself out of bed and got on the bus to oxford to have a look round the shops but still I felt so numb and as I'm sat on the bus the baby starts kicking and at that moment I just thought god what kind of mother am I going to be if I get myself in this state when he's born?
So I get to oxford make a dash for the new shopping centre as per usual I'm dying for a wee. I sat on the toilet and burst into tears and I have no idea why I was crying but I knew I had to sort myself out so I did and had a brief look round the shops and bought a few new things for baby, had a hot chocolate in costa.Trying to think of ideas how to make myself feel better I had an idea of going to the book shop to
see if I  could find a book to read to keep my mind off things. So once back in Witney I had a quick look around the book shop and found 2 books I liked the look of and as soon as I got home I got stuck into one of them. About an hour later I couldn't put the book down and it had made me forget how I was feeling. HURRAH!

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After having a chat with a twitter friend she suggested trying to sleep with a pillow between my legs to help support the bump. And after a brilliant sleep and only waking up twice I can confirm it works! I had a great sleep and woke up feeling refreshed but still a bit low. There's only one thing for it, so Mr M took me for a drive to Barrington, there's something about being in a moving car that really calms me so we did that and then we emptied out our change pot went to the bank and changed it and treated ourselves to dinner out. For me when I know I'm getting low I know I need to act quick to prevent it getting bad. My thing that helps me is getting out weather its walking in the fresh air or going for a drive with the husband whatever it is I force myself out and it almost always sorts me out. Now I have a new thing... reading! I honestly cant put this book down its so good. ​

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The most important thing for me and everyone else is tell someone how you feel... as soon as I tell Mr M he always replies okay tell me how I can help. What more does a girl need than someone like that!! I would be lost without him, I cant wait for him to be the most amazing daddy and to be there to support me after the birth when things feel tough. Hes the best! (When he's not annoying me)​

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Z​

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A Mum who wants her mum.

Sometimes in life things get very overwhelming we don’t know quite how to react to certain things happening. Unfortunally for me today is one of those days. Today is hard and to be honest all I want is a cuddle from my mum. That’s right I’m a 30 year old grown women soon to be a mum herself who just wants a cuddle from her mum. Today started out okay I had a lovely lay in then got up and had my usual bowl of coco pops and a cuppa tea put some washing on and did some housework.

Then my bump started to really ache for those non pregnant women and men out there who’s reading this imagine your insides slowly stretching to make room for a heavy bowling ball and when laying down said bowling ball moves to one side making it so uncomfortable to sleep bend down and sometimes even walk or stand. At times it can be quite unpleasant and really quite uncomfortable especially when baby decides to move around at the same time. Aswell as the tummy ache I woke up with a really sore arm. No I hadn’t slept in an awkward position before you ask ...i had my whooping cough jab yesterday and dear lord did that hurt when the nurse jabbed me! this morning I’ve woken up with a red lump where the unfortunate incident happend. I’m so tired of being poked and prodded, since getting pregnant I’ve had 6 blood tests, 2 jabs and countless urine tests. It’s actully exhausting being treated like a lab rat and for someone who has a fear of needles I feel like I've coped pretty well.

So I managed to get some housework done which felt good but I just didn’t feel myself today emotions were running high I find myself crying over stupid things like the hover not turning on or dropping something on the floor, the tiredness has set in and it’s really difficult previously being an independent person doing everything I need to do by myself to then suddenly need help putting my socks on. Being the kind of person I am I would rather struggle then ask for help, It almost feels slightly demoralising and embarrassing to ask for help doing simple day to day things and it’s only going to get worse ..

So since Mr M got home from work I have been very clingy and cuddly and not wanting to be left alone because I can feel my mood dipping. Everything seems to be moving so fast and there’s still so much left to do before the little man arrives in 11 weeks. So to break from the normal witty funny posts ive been writing recently today I openly admit I’m struggling. pregnancy is bloody hard sometimes and women don’t get nearly  enough credit for going through this, this isn’t me crying out for attention or expecting people to say oh poor you :-( im just saying it how it is the reality of what pregnancy really is. It’s Tiring painfull and emotional and relentless. Having said all this I know I am going through this for a reason and knowing its all temporary is helping me through the tough days. 11 weeks and counting until I meet my perfect little man.

At the end of the day you are never to old to want your mum. And right now I’m a mum who just wants a cuddle from her mum and I'm learning its not shameful asking for help.



Z

xxx

Confessions of a pregnant woman...

I've been struggling to think of what to write for my next blog post for a while now, then today something happened that I thought could be quite funny and embarrassing so why not write about it? so here goes...

If you'd have told me a year ago I would be comparing running a half marathon to shaving my legs at 7 months pregnant I would have laughed in your face... I'm not laughing now!
As I hadn't been swimming in a few weeks and am paying for a membership I thought I better get some use out of it so I went about my day today with swimming planned for the evening.

Swim bag packed and ready to go. OH SHIT... I need to shave my legs! the dreaded job you really cant be arsed to do during the colder months, I don't know about others but I'm lazy and shave my legs in the bath a picture I'm sure nobody wants in their head of me leg up on the side of the bath trying my hardest not to let it slip back in the bath and cause a tidal wave over me! Anyway I thought I better shave my legs as they now resemble 2 Christmas trees (No joke!) just in case I get asked to leave the pool because I'm scaring the kids.

As the shaving in the bath days are officially over for a few more months for obvious reasons I had no choice but to stand in the bath and do it. Well bugger me I could have run a half marathon easier than what was about to befall me. Have you ever tried reaching your ankles when you have a stomach the size of Santa's belly? Jesus that reach down felt like a mile. Do I call my husband to help? I cant go swimming with patchy legs! anyway I managed ( just) but after id finished I'm not going to lie I had to have a sit down I was out of breath, how had I managed to run 13.1 miles only 7 months before and not be out of breath? this baby has a lot to answer for, don't even get me started on what else needs shaving...

After the commotion in the bathroom I got ready to leave for swimming. I always put my swimming costume on under my clothes before I go just for ease really. Well to say I might need to buy a bigger one soon is a slight exaggeration... trying to pull the thing up and over my bump is a whole different kettle of fish compared to the leg incident...

managing to get it over the bump and pull the straps up over my shoulders I realise how little room there is for my boobs it seems baby is taking up most of the costume. only just managing to fit inside the thing Then the horrifying thought over comes me...

what if It splits whilst in the pool? what if my belly is so humongously huge my swimming costume actually splits and leaves me naked in a swimming pool full of people...

will I be arrested? surely they cant arrest a naked pregnant lady in distress? Na what's the actual chance this is going to happen, but maybe I should leave my towel by the side of the pool just in case?

well I can tell you I managed an hours swim and my swimming costume held everything in! PHEW!! time to buy a bigger one I think. All in all a good swim session no naked incidents and I finally have soft legs!

Z

xxx

Fun in Mum's tum

You are cordially invited to a party
At- Mums tum
Time- As soon as Mum try's to sleep
RSVP- Bump

                                                        



                                                  
Sometimes I wonder what is actually going on inside that tummy of mine, some nights it feels like baby is having an illegal rave with all his mates in there! Other nights it feels like he's in training for the London marathon               ( That's my boy!!)


Whatever he's up to in there he's having a dam good time and I don't blame him wouldn't you?... warm and snug inside mums tum growing slowly into a little lad ready to see the world very soon... 12 weeks and counting! Round about now I'm beginning to see my stomach actually move around almost like he's having a little boogie, if I sit my phone or a coke can on my tummy when I'm laying down it moves. As soon as I try to get a video of the momentous occasion thou the little bugger decides NOPE I am having none of this and he stops. I think I've got a stubborn one on my hands here!

Poor old dad has yet to feel his little one jiggle around, he sits for ages with his hands on my tum waiting for the party to start but obviously dad doesn't have an invitation to the party! Even after laying next to bump chatting away to his son he still gets nothing. I think dad needs to remember this in 18 years time when his son wants a lift to some party!

The party started up again the other day during a routine midwife appointment whilst the midwife put the Doppler on my tummy to hear baby's heartbeat he decided he didn't like this and the midwife was definitely an uninvited guest to his party because he did 2 almighty kicks at the midwife telling her to go away and leave me alone. amazingly I managed to finally get this on video! yay

I have found some tricks to get kicks ... Hot bath... the second I get in the bath off he goes doing his thing. Another great way to get some moves is drink an ice cold drink... he really shows how he can move when I drink and ice cold drink I can imagine him in there breaking out into the YMCA like an absolute lad! To be honest thou most of the time I don't have to encourage him to move because 99% of the time now he knows when mum is ready to go to sleep. That's his que to get the lads round and crank up the party.

I've found a few facts online about baby movements in the womb so id I thought id share them ...

-Did you know at 9 weeks pregnant a baby can hiccup. who knew! (I'm not surprised to be honest after all that partying he's doing!)

- At 12 weeks pregnant the baby can yawn and stretch all that growing must be a tiring business!

-At 15 weeks they can suck their thumbs of apparently their preferred hand so if you are lucky to see this in the scan you can determine weather they are right or left handed.

- Amazingly a baby sleeps for up to 40 minuets every hour whilst inside the womb! Trust me it doesn't feel like it!


Feeling baby move is honestly one of the most weird strange and amazing things all rolled into one realising there's actually a little person inside me is so weird and honestly I'm a little jealous of all the fun he's having. So whatever my baby is up to inside my tum I'm sure he is having a great time and he's entitled to after all its his house! not for long thou...



see you soon little party animal, try to keep the noise down when mum wants to sleep.


Z


xxx