BEAN BAG BOOBS!

Its pretty obvious that our bodies are going to change throughout pregnancy you'd have to be an idiot to think everything will stay the same. So I thought id put together a little something for pregnant ladies or future pregnant ladies to read and to get prepared for.

Welcome ladies to the biggest change of your life! one of the most glorious magical and daunting times of your life, but don't worry you are going to boss this! So grab a cuppa see what's in store for your changing body. Don't panic we don't suddenly balloon into a giant tomato the second we get pregnant... (not much anyway) I can totally appreciate every woman is different so some of my experiences may apply to you and some may not, whatever the case carry on being pregnant and beautiful! here is my list of body changes so far Enjoy!

Bean bag boobs-

That's right its not a typo and I'm not trying to be over dramatic here but holy shit have my boobs, breasts, tits whatever you like to call them my god they have about tripled in size and hang there like 2 massive bean bags! They weigh a ton and although not sore or painful they don't half get in the bloody way especially trying to sleep I half expect to suffocate myself during the night some nights they feel that heavy! My only hope is once my body starts to recover from the birth that they will eventually kind of go back to normal fingers crossed!

Invisible bellybutton -

So I made it to about month 7ish months of being preggers and all of a sudden I looked down and my bellybutton had vanished! Seriously its gone... quite understandably there's a lot going on in my tummy and as it grows and gets harder its somehow getting smaller and smaller much to Mr M's disgust as he has this really strange habit of always sticking his finger in my bellybutton or a nose pocket as he likes to call it(Don't ask!) So say goodbye to your bellybutton for a few months ladies.

Tree trunk legs and bingo wings-

Remarkably to my absolute delight I haven't actually put on as much weight as I thought, a stone and half so far which isn't bad. BUT... the places I have put on some timber is my thighs, fucking hell the tops of my legs are like tree trunks! seriously I'm not kidding I'm surprised I don't start a fire just walking to work some days.  I've never really had chunky arms before but the pregnancy gods must hate me because currently the tops of my arms look like an 80 year old woman's who's been down the bingo waving her arms around in delight at winning the jackpot. I know I won the jackpot getting pregnant but I'm certainly not waving my arms around at the moment in fear of taking out anybody standing near me!

Pissing your pants-

I debated weather or not to add this in because its a bit gross but I wouldn't be doing my job as a pregnancy blogger if I wasn't honest with my readers. As I've said in a previous post before don't get to comfortable thinking you don't need sanitary wear for 9 months because if anything I've used more since being pregnant! That's right ladies prepare to piss your pants! as you grow and baby gets bigger he/she pushes against your bladder and without warning or without anything we can do about it we shall I say "Leak" constantly. Its very inconvenient so make sure you stock up on towels ladies I wouldn't advise using a tampon whilst pregnant!

so there you have it my top 4 things to expect when you are expecting, enjoy every second wear your bean bag boobs with confidence and piss yourself with pride :-)

Z

xxx

Am i really pregnant?

What a stupid question... Am I really pregnant? A belly the size of the moon and waddling round like a retarded duck kind of gives it away really!  But every now and again I actually forget that I am pregnant. I realise how dumb this sounds but bare with me I have good reasoning!

Rewind back to September 2017...

I decided I was ready to become a mum and thought we'd give it a shot at trying and see what happened. We did all the obvious things like consult my doctor just because some of the medication I'm on and we had the green light from the doc so that was all good news. Of Corse I had to download all the relevant apps for trying for a baby, tracking periods etc.

I raided my local co-op for pregnancy tests and ovulation sticks and away we went!

The first month I really had no idea what I was doing i just had sex and hoped for the best! not realising there's actually one week per month you can get pregnant. So of Corse the first month I had a negative test. That's when I realised I had to do some research on how this all works because clearly having sex wasn't enough. By this time all my apps were up and running and telling me what I should be doing and when so I thought YAY! I've got this...

month number 2 and a second negative test. After many months of trying I can confirm the legs up in the air trick after sex doesn't actually work its a myth ladies!

Anyway to cut a long story short I had 12 months of tears tantrums and negative pregnancy tests. just to be clear I am fully aware a lot of couples try for a hell of a lot longer and have had a much worse time than I have and I totally get how heart-breaking that is for those people. But that doesn't take away the pain I was going through and I eventually learnt that it was ok to be sad and disappointed. UNTILL October 2018 when my period was a few days late but this had happened before so didn't really think anything of it. Until a few days later when I thought id do a test and got my BFP ( big fat positive)

And for this reason alone is why sometimes I still think am I really pregnant? because after all the months of trying and failing can it be that I got lucky and it finally happened to me?  YES IT BLOODY DID!!! I'm pregnant, I'm fat and I'm the most luckiest girl in the world!!

even though sometimes I do actually forget I'm carrying life inside me, then I get a little kick to remind me that he's in there.

So for the odd occasion when I forget I'm pregnant the moment I realise wow I'm actually having a baby is like finding out I'm pregnant for the first time all over again!

Am I really pregnant? yes I am ... 7 WEEKS TO GO !!

Z

xxx

Mrs Panicky poo

So this Friday just gone I officially entered my 8th month of pregnancy! its been a long old road since I first decided I wanted to be a mummy. I used to panic all the time that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and that I would never be a mother and just grow old and be lonely
and childless forever.

But alas! I panicked over nothing as I'm soon to be a mummy which I so forever longed for, as the days and weeks pass its suddenly getting really real that soon I am going to have a baby YES A BABY! a teeny tiny little person who is completely dependant on me! Holy shit...

can I do this? can I manage to look after a baby? I did manage to keep my hamster alive for 3 years who died of natural causes in case you are wondering if I accidently hovered the poor sod up or something! (RIP Louis) so how much harder can this be? well I'm about to find out.

As a natural panicker its only normal for me to start panicking round about now, I've managed to get through the early stage of panicking weather baby is growing ok and weather he's got 2 heads or not. I've come to terms with the whole pushing a watermelon out of my vagina thing and I'm feeling pretty okay with it. I mean millions of women have done this before right? its what our bodies are designed to do! I think I wont start panicking about this until the day my waters break and I'm running round like a headless chicken trying to get myself ready for hospital.

Right now the panic has set in about what I'm going to do once the baby is born...

what happens once he's out? I've never so much as dressed a baby let alone changed a shitty nappy! who teaches you these simple things? What baby clothes do I even take to the hospital? I have so many stupid questions. I guess it will all come natural to me (hopefully)

In the meantime I'm starting to panic about other things such as how will I know if he's to hot or cold? how will I know what he wants and when and the absolute worst what if I'm not a good mum? My absolute worst fear is what if I accidently drop him! I want to cry just thinking about it now. I could write a list as long as my arm about all the things I'm panicking about and I suppose its only natural to worry about these things.

I am genuinely really frightened about being a new mum and all the really silly little things that come with it as usual I'm being over paranoid and over cautious with everything!! I have a funny feeling I'm not alone in my fears as every mum just wants the best for their little humans. So for now I am being a Mrs Panicky poo but I wouldn't have it any other way because it shows I care and want everything to be ok for my little boy.

So for all the pregnant ladies reading this don't be afraid to panic its only natural.

Z

xxx 

The running mum

So as well as my new adventure into motherhood my job as a chef and just generally being me I have another love in my life.... RUNNING! Some of you may be rolling your eyes right now and sniggering thinking she doesn't have the body for a runner how the hell can she possibly run? For the uneducated people thinking this let me tell you us fat girls can run to! It doesn't take the body on an athlete to get your running shoes on and pound the pavements getting those miles in. I used to be embarrassed at the fact I ran when I am the size I am I only ever used to run in the dark because I was so scared all the passing cars would be laughing at me! Now? I'm a proud runner and give zero fucks about what anyone thinks about me, after 3 half marathons and 1 10k I have earnt the right to feel proud of myself.


My running story started way back in 2015 when I decided I wanted to give up the fags and get fit. I wont lie it was bloody hard to start with! but once I got into the swing of things and started losing weight it was the best feeling in the world! I didn't run far but I got out there most nights and put the hard work in eventually loosing about 2 stone. One summer about 3 years ago I got the extremely sad news that one of my best friends from school had very sadly taken her own life. Even though I hadn't seen her or spoken in a while I was just in shock and numb. The night of her funeral I obviously got very drunk and thought how can I do something positive to raise money in her memory? so I very drunkenly signed up for Edinburgh half marathon!


Holy shit... now I actually need to be serious about my running and get a training plan! I worked hard for months as well as fundraising for my chosen charity The mental health foundation. I worked my little (big) arse off for months and finally got up to 8 miles before I had to stop this was a huge achievement for me! The day of the half marathon I was shaking like a shitting dog I cant even tell you how nervous I was I just wanted to finish the race for my friend. It was long it was hard and gruelling but after 3.5 hours I finally crossed that finish line and burst into tears ... I DONE IT! so proud of myself and my total fundraising was just over £1,000.


The following September I ran a 10k up in Scotland and in October I ran the oxford half marathon this time I ran for Oxfordshire mind which is also a mental health charity. see a theme here? From then on I didn't run so much and ended up putting all the weight back on. After trying for a baby for 6 months last year I decided I needed to start running again and quit smoking (again) so I did... I worked even harder this time with a lot of long runs I managed 9 miles this time before I had to stop. So I thought as I'm not getting pregnant I may aswel enter oxford half again. race day is always so nerve-racking !but once again the crowd got me through and I broke my current record! I managed the first 10 miles before I had to stop and walk for a second. Once again I crossed that finish line with so much pride and a new medal to add to my collection.

1 week later... BAM IM PREGNANT!! What are the chances? I had in fact run a half marathon whilst 4 weeks pregnant. I'm such a badass ;-) so oxford half marathon October 2018 was in fact the last time I ran, against advice from the hospital I decided to give up running whilst I had a baby on board its not worth the risk to me as id had a few falls in the past.


For now I am really excited to start running again once the little one is here and get fit once again and maybe even enter a race who knows! For now my fundraising total stands at just over £3,000 all for various mental health charities my friend may not be here anymore but I will continue to fundraise in her memory.


Rip Kirsty



Z




xxx

Preparing to push

So I'm coming up to 32 weeks in a few days which means only 8 weeks until littleun is due to arrive. I've always been shit scared of the thought of giving birth but when I actually got pregnant to be honest it was the last thing on my mind, like all mothers I just wanted my baby to be healthy. Even up until this point I've not given labour and the birth a second thought, I know he has to come out  somehow there's no getting away from that fact.

So here I am almost in my 8th month of pregnancy feeling pretty positive because although I do have a nice little bump I'm not actually humongous (YET) which means pushing him out should be a walk in the park right? honestly I have no idea! I've heard so many birth stories from friends and watched things on TV but I guess everybody is different. The majority of women probably have a whole plan of what they want and how its going to happen. me? I'm doing what ever the hell my body tells me to do at the time and hope for the best.

I'm trying to start with the little things such as what to pack in my hospital bag, who knows because nobody actually tells you these things, do I take my own nappies and wipes? is it frowned Upton to pack a cheeky bottle of strawberry and lime cider that I've been craving the whole 9 months? I guess I need to do my research on the hospital bag saga! oh and just for the record I am actually joking about the bottle of cider... maybe ;-)

Currently my birth plan consists of a piece of paper saying " I haven't a fucking clue" And it couldn't be more accurate right now, I mean how can we make a plan of something that can happen so many different ways and either take 40 hours or 15 minuets? There as so many different options for births nowadays, homebirths are getting more and more popular if I'm honest I couldn't think of anything worse! I like my furniture and carpets they way they are  the thought of trying to clean up placenta from my freshly shampooed carpets makes me feel a bit queasy so that is clearly a no go area for me!

Something that terrifies me even more is the dreaded water birth! The thought of sitting in a lukewarm pool trying to push the miracle of life out of my vagina when I actually poo myself and end up avoiding the floating crap for the remainder of my labour! My knowledge on labour and giving birth is so sparse I've done zero research and I don't really plan on doing much, all I know is I plan on having no plan with the exception id like an epidural and just hopefully end up going with the traditional legs up in the air screaming like a dying cat.

so the answer of how to prepare for birth I cant honestly tell you! but I'm sure once I've had the experience I can tell you all the things I would have done differently, whatever kind of birth I have as long as my baby boy arrives into the world safely that's all that matters to me.

Z

xxx

Milk and two sugars

It would seem rather rude of me to make a blog and not do a post about the other love of my life wouldn't it? Right now  I'm wondering how I'm going to fill a few paragraphs of writing about my main addiction I suppose you could call it. That's right I'm talking about the good old English cup of tea! who doesn't love a hot brew first thing in the morning? I've been drinking tea for years and years and I have no plans to give up anytime soon.

Firstly I need to admit I've already told a little white lie. I don't have 2 sugars in my tea as my title states I just thought it sounded more catchy in the title! Must have worked because you have read this far... My reason for wanting to write a post about tea is because its played a kind of biggish role during my pregnancy. Who needs cravings when you crave tea every day anyway?

Even before getting pregnant I had decided to stop being so hard-core and I switched to decaf part time mainly to help with my sleep issues and I do admit it did work ( I think)

As I'm one of those people who reads up EVERYTHING you should and shouldn't do when growing a baby I read that caffeine can harm the unborn baby so I decided to switch to decaf full time apart from the odd cheeky cup of normal tea. So when my friends are out sipping cocktails in a cocktail bar I'm at home sipping my deaf tea. so rock and roll!!

I am really not a fan of these fancy pants fruit and flavoured teas. ITS NOT TEA! and it never tastes like it says on the packet. But in my first few months when I had the dreaded nausea constantly I was recommended peppermint tea to help. So off I popped and bought a box. First cup made me want to throw up, second cup wasn't much better but it did actually help the nausea . How I couldn't tell you but I went with it. Out of a whole box I only ever drank about 4 cups so that was £2.99 down the pan. The only real benefit I get from it is every time I open my teabag cupboard it fills my kitchen with an amazing minty smell. Who needs to buy a posh air freshener when you have peppermint teabags, and before you judge me yes I do have a whole cupboard just for teabags! judge me if you may!!

so finally my last discovery about my favourite hot drink is it makes me pee like a bloody racehorse, As I've said in previous posts I must wake up on average 7-8 times a night to go to the loo and its doing my head in!!! Now my usual routine is I come home from work about 9:30pm I run a bath and I ALWAYS take a cup of tea in the bath with me, its my little treat to myself before bed ( I do realise how sad that makes me sound) The whole sleep situation and peeing during the night really needs addressing so I made the really difficult decision to not have my bath time cup of tea, Literally so much harder than it sounds! I've given up smoking twice and that was a walk in the park compared to cutting down on tea! Anyway last night was my first night on the tea wagon and I'm happy to report I only had to get up during the night 4 times!! So much improvement from 8! I woke up today feeling so refreshed so tonight is trial night 2 with no bath time tea!

I got this! only 12 hours and counting until I can have a cup of tea!

Z

xxx

The Pregnancy card

We've all done it! and why the hell not? we are creating life! I probably do it once a day if not more to be honest poor Mr M is probably sick of it but who cares he's sat watching the months go past as I get bigger and bigger growing his child, constipated to hell, sleepless nights and boobs so big they are about to pop any day now! what an easy life he's got right. Guessed what I'm on about yet?


The pregnancy card, we've all used it either when we actually need help doing things or are just feeling lazy. I pull the pregnancy card far to often especially when I am feeling lazy, why should I run upstairs to grab my glasses so I can watch TV or make my own cup of tea when I can pull out the trusted pregnancy card and get the hubby to do my dirty work. I've even managed to bagsie breakfast in bed every Saturday morning before work, up he comes with a bowl of coco pops and a cuppa tea good lad!


He just loves the moment when I come out with ... so you know I'm pregnant, will you run upstairs and grab me a pair of socks, and to be fair to him he never moans or grones he does what he has to do bless him. To be fair to me though 80% of the time when I pull the pregnancy card its for things I genuinely cant do like carry the hover up the stairs, cut the grass or clean the oven which obviously I am gutted about. ( Yeah right!) As you may have read in my last post about mental health and the tough few days I had I really couldn't face doing any house work I'm very lucky that he is a hands on hubster he managed to tidy up hover the whole house clean the toilets and cut the grass. I came home and didn't have to lift a finger. how lucky am I !!


I have 10 weeks left of using the pregnancy card and I'm planning on using it wisely mwah ha ha. Its such a shame I cant use strong oven cleaner to get my oven clean that's been needing doing for ages or take the bins out every week. I do realise am I'm typing this post out its making me look very lazy indeed, just to clarify I do actually do things around the house and do things for myself I want the house and garden to be perfect and ready for when the little man arrives.


So until then I'm going to make the most of being pregnant (and sometimes lazy) and make good use of the husband which I think he secretly enjoys in his own way. So to all the pregnant ladies out there don't be scared to pull the pregnancy card and get your men helping out!


Z



xxx

Mental Health and Me

I've been staring at a blank screen for a while wondering how to write this post, its hard putting your life on show knowing everyone will be reading this and the worries about what people will think. But sod it my new years resolution was to be more honest and not let people push me around so here goes.

I wont go into detail about myself but like I've said in past posts my mental health has been reasonably good recently I've been loving life except for the few pregnancy related mishaps which I've dealt with and got over. Long before I got pregnant and I'm talking maybe 6 or 7 years I've had sleep problems sometimes mild where I just cant get to sleep at night to sever insomnia where one weekend last January I didn't sleep for 72 hours! And no that's not an exaggeration just ask poor Mr M who stayed up with me looking after me and trying to help me settle me, cuddling me and being supportive. (He deserves a medal for that weekend) Anyway... lack of sleep for me is like the biggest trigger you can imagine.

I've been on strong ish sleeping tablets for a few years now prescribed by the doctor and honestly they work wonders! ( I don't take them during pregnancy for obvious reasons) The only issue with the tablets is they can become addictive so I only used to get prescribed them a few weeks at a time. The other tablets I'm on for my mood are designed to help me sleep which give me that little extra boost when I'm struggling but for some reason when I fell pregnant my sleep problems seemed to straighten themselves out and I slept like a log for the first few months which was great! Just lately as I'm getting bigger and the urge to pee is like every 5 minuets my sleeping habits have started to get bad again and because of this I'm very tired in the day and generally run down but getting up and going to work and having a laugh with my work mates really lifts my spirits I love those guys and I'm going to be so emotional when I hang up my apron for 7 months maternity leave soon.


Sunday night just passed I had probably the worst nights sleep I've had in months and Monday morning I woke up in tears exhausted and hating the world. I felt so low, why is this happening to me? I start getting thoughts that ... ( please bear in mind I know these are not rational thoughts now I am feeling better)  I start thinking I'm going to die and everyone I love is going to die and what's the point in having a baby if I might die and leave him motherless? Its ridiculous to think these things could even be true but when you find yourself so mentally exhausted things like this actually feel like reality. I'm quite good at recognising when I'm getting poorly so I try and make sure I do something about it
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I forced myself out of bed and got on the bus to oxford to have a look round the shops but still I felt so numb and as I'm sat on the bus the baby starts kicking and at that moment I just thought god what kind of mother am I going to be if I get myself in this state when he's born?
So I get to oxford make a dash for the new shopping centre as per usual I'm dying for a wee. I sat on the toilet and burst into tears and I have no idea why I was crying but I knew I had to sort myself out so I did and had a brief look round the shops and bought a few new things for baby, had a hot chocolate in costa.Trying to think of ideas how to make myself feel better I had an idea of going to the book shop to
see if I  could find a book to read to keep my mind off things. So once back in Witney I had a quick look around the book shop and found 2 books I liked the look of and as soon as I got home I got stuck into one of them. About an hour later I couldn't put the book down and it had made me forget how I was feeling. HURRAH!

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After having a chat with a twitter friend she suggested trying to sleep with a pillow between my legs to help support the bump. And after a brilliant sleep and only waking up twice I can confirm it works! I had a great sleep and woke up feeling refreshed but still a bit low. There's only one thing for it, so Mr M took me for a drive to Barrington, there's something about being in a moving car that really calms me so we did that and then we emptied out our change pot went to the bank and changed it and treated ourselves to dinner out. For me when I know I'm getting low I know I need to act quick to prevent it getting bad. My thing that helps me is getting out weather its walking in the fresh air or going for a drive with the husband whatever it is I force myself out and it almost always sorts me out. Now I have a new thing... reading! I honestly cant put this book down its so good. ​

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The most important thing for me and everyone else is tell someone how you feel... as soon as I tell Mr M he always replies okay tell me how I can help. What more does a girl need than someone like that!! I would be lost without him, I cant wait for him to be the most amazing daddy and to be there to support me after the birth when things feel tough. Hes the best! (When he's not annoying me)​

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Z​

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